just more of me getting depressed over stupid shit like my life

so tomorrow the president and princess bacon bit will ride again
we are meeting for lunch
haven't hung out in a few months
she's been busy with school
and I've been busy drinking and working
hopefully we have some fun
I'm really missing my buddy
we haven't talked since saturday
i've sent her 2 text messages
and still no word
and I'm freaking out thinking that she
really does just feel sorry for me
but I know she loves me
its just natural for me to think otherwise
so I am
actually no, i don't know she loves me
I hope she does

I could feel myself getting depressed
but now I'm way past depressed
where was that middle area??
everything sucks
I feel like an idiot for feeling this way
again
because i've been here before
its the same old shit
resurfacing again
I'm 21 not 17
shouldn't I have grown out of this
is this what the rest of my life is going to be like
not trusting anyone
or myself
my family always letting me down
me always doing things whole hearted
and then getting burned
I'm so getting drunk tomorrow
i know why my mom is worried about my drinking...
she know's why I'm drinking so much
and she doesn't want to deal with any of my problems again
and when I say deal I hope you know that means
tossing me aside and refusing to listen to me
the shelf in my closet fell off the wall today while I was gone
its been untouched since I moved in
today everything came crashing down...
how weird is that
a mirror was broken in the mess
cut my thumb in the glass
pulled a half inch long peice from my thumb
It felt nice
but I'm not going to count it as cutting
i'm going to go lay in bed
pretend to be ok and then sleep
hope I don't dream
hope tomorrow something good happens
hope I stop being right