where i stood

so boys, girls, and the inbetween...
I need some help
or a swift kick in the ass
probably both

a little over a year ago my best friend stopped talking to me
can't say i blame her, i was a self destructive person
not a good friend to her at all
well i'm still not over it, i still cry a lot about it
for a long time i thought it was just guilt but
lately i'm feeling like its something else
I think I was in love with her...
who am I kidding i was totally in love with her
I just didn't realize it
I never loved anyone before and certainly not a girl
it sucks, i can't tell her
we don't speak, she has been with her bf for over a year
so what do i do?
i'm not sure what moving on means
i don't want to forget her
or forget how much she means to me
honestly i know its crazy but she was my other half
i felt whole around her, i grew so much with her
she was everything i wasn't but same in ways that we met in the middle
its hard to let go of that, its everything i ever dreamed of
even harder to know its my fault we fell apart...
i can't be the only person this has happened to
so anyone who's gotten through it please send some
heartfilled advice my way

the wrong girl

If you have problems and are looking for help..you've got the wrong girl here. I fuck up a lot but I'm not going to lie. I'm honest. That is hard to do and scary for other people...leads to a lot of heartache too...who knew. What can I say about myself right now...well this is my second blog attempt. Once before it was good then i put a picture of myself up and i couldn't be honest anymore about how i was feeling. I didn't want to hurt anyone so I wasn't completely honest...if i wasn't doing that then what was the point. my blog titles are usually songs and if you click on the title there is always a link for the particular song or whatever is relating to the title or blog. Some facts about me...not that i like listing facts but a few details will probably prevent confusion in later posts....I used to self injure, used to abuse alcohol, was sexually abused by my oldest brother from ages 6 to 11, dad abandoned us, grew up poor, i have bells palsy, probably bisexual, born in 1984 (put away the calculator i'm 23 i'll be 24 sometime this year)...i'm going to sleep. if you are going to stick around prepare for some crazy shit.