IF

I had lunch with my mom today
she amazes me
reading the paper inches from her face
eyesight failing
but from across the table
she sees every pore
every imperfection in her creation
she asks why I'm still single
I joke...we've had this talk before
she gives me beauty tips
after a lifetime of hearing it
the words still cut me deep
"you would be so beautiful IF..."
*sigh*
I curse the person who created that word
IF
if only, what if
...who cares
life goes on
bleak and dark
full and bright
my soul burns
but I can't feel the heat
only "if" cutting me deep
"thanks mom I'll try that"
she seems satisfied
*sigh*
I turn to my blog
my happy place