where i stood

so boys, girls, and the inbetween...
I need some help
or a swift kick in the ass
probably both

a little over a year ago my best friend stopped talking to me
can't say i blame her, i was a self destructive person
not a good friend to her at all
well i'm still not over it, i still cry a lot about it
for a long time i thought it was just guilt but
lately i'm feeling like its something else
I think I was in love with her...
who am I kidding i was totally in love with her
I just didn't realize it
I never loved anyone before and certainly not a girl
it sucks, i can't tell her
we don't speak, she has been with her bf for over a year
so what do i do?
i'm not sure what moving on means
i don't want to forget her
or forget how much she means to me
honestly i know its crazy but she was my other half
i felt whole around her, i grew so much with her
she was everything i wasn't but same in ways that we met in the middle
its hard to let go of that, its everything i ever dreamed of
even harder to know its my fault we fell apart...
i can't be the only person this has happened to
so anyone who's gotten through it please send some
heartfilled advice my way