Self Injury #1

I haven't cut in 7 months...before that it was a year and 10 months just felt like sharing a poem I wrote durring that time at 4 something in the AM, it took a whole 5 mins....it really sucks, I'm no poet but I still like it.

I Never Knew (april 25,2002)

i never knew that life could hurt so bad
i never knew that i could be so sad
i never knew a blade could feel so good
if i could show my cuts i would
i want to kill whats inside me
before i kill myself
its like a race against myself
and no matter what
i cant win
i never knew i could be so emptyand still feel so much
i never knew i could think and not remember what it was
i didnt know i could be numb
and still cry
that i could talk about my feelings
and still wonder why
why am i here
why do i hurt so much
why do they make me hurt
what did i do
so i cut myself with any means i can find
trying to win this race against time
trying to see if im real
or if this is all some illusion from my messed up mind
i never knew that if i cried for help no one would come
and sooner or later my actions cant be undone
i will cut until i kill myself im running out of time
i dont want to be by myself
alone with my thoughts
i never knew i could hurt so much