my mom took me to the doctor when I got my x-rays
had to fill out a new patient form
she did it for me
3 brief sections
physical history..broken bones, illness..etc..
family history...heart disease, chicken pox..etc..
mental history...depression, abuse..etc..
I watched as my mom checked her way down the page
then she took a big gasp of air
and skipped the question
it said
history of abuse: mental/physical/sexual....yes or no
when she was done with the page she went back to it
"no right" **this isn't a question**
just leave it blank it doesn't affect my x-ray
**no words for what I was feeling**
she wanted me to say no
she still doesn't believe me
she still manages to get under my skin
x-ray came back
broken thumb...
...broken me
thursday I'm going to court with her
my dad isn't paying up
college expenses, medical...all that jazz
I saw him when I turned 16
we talked for about 10 minutes
then at 18 he came to my high school graduation
talked for 5 minutes
put a 50 in my hand and walked away
he's clueless to everything that happened in my life
I want to sit there
and watch this great sunday school teacher
tell me that he is done being my father
that he doesn't care
...to torture myself maybe...
probably...
I hope his eyes are open
I hope his wife and step-kids are proud
I hope his church loves him still and prays for me
that will solve everything
..I'm getting really tired of everything
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1 comment:
Ouch. That post hurt me.
Daddies have NO IDEA what they are doing to us. None really. At least that is what I tell myself to keep me sane.
At least graduation you got a 50 spot. I got a fake Gucci watch bought on the streets of New York. Ten bucks.
I lost it at a club---the generic cheap ass band broke. I tried looking for it somewhere on the stage where I was dancing because I could replace the band.
It was something. He did give it to me after all.
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